The Importance of the Healthy Changes and the Way to Achieve them
Some of us are afraid of change while others seek it and assume that they are changing all the time and that’s right. In terms of ideas, you can hear some claiming that the point is to change while others are proud because they say that they haven’t changed. But what do we mean change? For example, you cannot say that it’s positive to give up your friends, one time to be with them and the other time to think of them as enemies. On the other hand, we can’t always intellectually know everything thus the more we mature the more we change. But is everyone able to recognize this fact?
At the same time some people want to change but they can’t. Of course, they are some steps ahead since at least they have recognised that there is space for improvement and in my experience, in that case, they are more than halfway through. But in which way could we create long-lasting effects while we reduce the chances of getting back to old habits?
Egos compared to our real essence and the mystery
I have many times talked about the existence of the egos in each one of us. They are certain blockages that are created from the time we start having a personality and we typically operate under their influence. These are plenty and they fight with each other to take the full control over us at any moment. We are mistakenly educated to assume that they are us. However, this is totally wrong. They were never us, what we are is something much deeper than that. We are neither the angry human when others make a mistake nor the depressed person when a negative event happens nor the fanatic under a certain label we have by accident been following and so on.
What we are is something much deeper and mysterious. This is also formless and it was never possible to be contained in a description of words. It can only be experienced when you manage to see behind the curtain of the egos that are shaping your perception in everything you experience.
However, behind this curtain of the egos, we can all notice that there are some tendencies that we always had. Since a very young age and with a clear look I think you should be able to recognise them. For example, there are people that have extrovert tendencies. There are people that like more reading books and show more introversion. There are people that can take a lot of responsibilities while others are better team players. What we are talking about here is everyone’s uniqueness and authenticity.
The common characteristic in all the above is that the people don’t act this way in order to prove something or be compared and so on. Instead, they do it naturally and provides them with fulfillment without having absolutely no reason behind, it’s just a preference and a tendency.
Change is your action after abolishing and ego
One step further from that in our thinking then would be that a change worth chased is the one that abolishes an ego that lets the authentic self come out. For example, an ego that makes me scared to take an initiative towards an activity that I would always love to do. Let’s say I have been raised to be afraid to try to go towards this direction and after recognizing it I push the fear away towards what makes me fulfilled, towards where my authenticity is calling me. So I change. Another example would be an ego that makes me show to others that I am an independent personality so I show no care about anybody else. After I understand the way it operates I change by becoming a more caring person.
Egos are never clearly visible and the need for an open mind
The greatest problem with the egos is that they aren’t in full view. Because they have been formed without our conscious understanding we are used to reacting according to their influence and we take them for granted. And due to the fact that we misinterpret them as being “us” we do our best to prove that everything we do is correct and wise. It’s because we haven’t grasped the fact that, as I said, we are something much more than them.
So in order to understand them apart from realising the above fact, we have to realise that an open mind is needed. There will soon come a stimulus from our environment that will work as a boost for the ego to appear. This will be something new that we tried, will be an action that brought the ego forwards, will be the constructive criticism of a friend and so on.
But since most people aren’t able to know from a young age the way the egos operate in my experience the very few people that seem to have changed constructively were the ones that were open to accepting something about themselves. Even if they didn’t like it, they weren’t closing their eyes to an idea that maybe would teach them about a need for a change. This attitude I am not sure where it derives from but in my opinion is the alpha and the omega about the maturity of a human being. After cultivating this attitude they will be unavoidably lead to learning the work of egos and as a result boost their spiritual evolution. Though, as I said, this is very rare.
Outcomes of Open-Mindedness
Of course, that kind of attitude apart from the feeling of despair that many times has caused them has also another effect. That they were being “attacked” by the rest of the people that were never admitting anything negative about themselves. You see how the dynamics are formed, the ones that play to be perfect usually start criticizing the person that admits things and because the latter is open to this discussion provides them with the opportunity for that.
However, still in the long term is hard for the ones that never admit being proven correct to have cultivated such attitude, life will bring them against worse teachings in order to hopefully awaken them.
When then talking about not changing, now that we have established the basis of the egos, it will be to not let egos influence your up to now genuine actions. So if you love a certain way of painting to not change it only because another way is more popular and can potentially make you more money even though it doesn’t suit you.
The thing with the changes is that it is many times misinterpreted by the environment because most of the times they see the world under their own egos which means that they conceptualize all your actions according to their limitations. This means that a genuine change of yours that, as we said, came as a result of the abolishing of an ego, can be interpreted as a selloff and the opposite. That’s why what mostly matters in your way is to be in contact with your own authenticity and keep your hand always on your own heart independently of what others believe.
Elements for a change to be long-lasting and healthy
But let’s say now that we have recognised the egos and we want to create long-lasting changes.
- First of all, it’s important how we name the new goal.
There are people that have goals and they call them unpleasant. But why doing it then if it is unpleasant? We said that you need to be authentic. Thus every new goal should be pleased because it’s your choice and it’s for your own good. Why else doing it, to keep serving egos? You can call them useful, or helpful or even salutary
- Clearly define your whys
It’s important from the very beginning to consciously recognise the reasons behind this change. Why do you believe you need it? What will provide you with? Why do you think this is appropriate for you? You need to do that even from before you start. Because it will be your compass. During the process of a change, many times the egos are awakened and try to bring us back to our old behaviors. By having your whys ready “in your pocket” you’’ ll be ready to make the egos even more powerless, remember, they don’t die immediately, they reappear months or even years later.
- Put specificity in your change.
Make clear how you will be acting and operating under this change. Starting, for example, to work out is something general. Write down what, football, gym, running, what? How many hours and what days? In the evening, after waking up, when? Where? With whom. The more specific you make it the more chances you have to make it real. At the time you specifically strategize it is becoming real anyway.
- Make them part of your lifestyle
In the aforementioned specificity, you need to take into account your life in general. Your other needs and activities. How many hours you work, which days you are more tired, if you work from home or not, if you have kids, how much free time you have and so on. The more effort you make to put the new activities as part of your lifestyle the more are the chances to stick.
- Gamify it
If possible make them part of a game. Take measurements and see how you have grown. Wouldn’t you like to swim for example the same distance in 5 minutes less every 2 weeks? Use your creativity to set games to yourself, this is the spice and pepper in your new actions. If for example, it has to do with food try to learn new recipes. Or aim to write a book with your new findings after you have implemented them
- Start small
Many people start very enthusiastically but soon their energy fades and most of the times they fully abandon the effort. You don’t want that. What matters to us we said is the long-term process, you don’t need to grow quickly, it’s fine. Thus you don’t need to put much pressure on yourself in the beginning. Just tiny steps are ok, you just keep the ball rolling and it’s ok. You are anyway in a different level even after a step that is tiny. Consistency is the main goal and even little by little it’s fine. That makes it easier to start, also. By thinking that you have something big to do you may become scared and do nothing whereas if you start with low expectations it’s very possible that during the activity your appetite will grow.
Lastly, once again, don’t forget that all should be covered by the value of authenticity. Because when a process is adapted in your real self everything comes into place. Everything becomes easier, you lose the sense of time, you have better results, it’s easier to stick to it, you look forward to it and so on. This is the biggest factor for a long-term healthy change.